I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
