How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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