My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
They took my balls.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
