I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
