there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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