ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
