he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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