bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize