Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
