Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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