Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

i'm in his phone as sushi coochie

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(214): View more from Texas

yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning

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(828): View more from North Carolina

finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...

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(419): View more from Ohio

Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.

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(443): View more from Maryland

My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden

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(574): View more from Indiana

he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.

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(270): View more from Kentucky

The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...

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(989): View more from Michigan

In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.

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