At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize