I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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