i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
