I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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