how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
