you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
