1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
