Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
