her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
