i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
