do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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