Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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