4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
