I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
