were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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