Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
barbara walters just said penis...
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
