he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
