i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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