that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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