I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
