how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I cannot find my penis.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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