giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
