He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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