he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i think i scared a bird with my dick
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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