Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
