i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
