just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
