That's intense
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
