ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
he was CRYING into my vagina
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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