The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
