hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
