Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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