I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
