I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Someone came in the potted fern
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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