apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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