guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
