My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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