I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
