reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
