Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
