if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
