She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
