I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
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