dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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