what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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