dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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