it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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