Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
