you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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