At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
