He uses pillows to masturbate.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
